Cullen Moments
by nightdancers
Summary: A series of snapshots of the lives of the Cullens after Alice and Jasper joined them, before Forks. Open to suggestions!
1. Esme Referees

**Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer, these are not my characters.****  
About: This story takes place almost immediately after Alice and Jasper join the Cullens, but strictly before Forks. It is a series of (mostly) disconnected chapters that chronicle different events in that time span, focusing on different characters and different points of view. The chapter title will be the indication of who's speaking ;) Without further ado - hope you enjoy Cullen Moments.  
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**Chapter 1: Esme Referees **

It is really something else to be the mother figure to a family full of vampires. Mind-reading, future-seeing, constantly bickering teenage vampires. When I lost my baby, I never expected to have any more reason to live. The pain, the absolute emptiness flooded my consciousness and consumed me. I wanted nothing more in this world than to die. But Carlisle refused to let me go, and I would be eternally grateful. Now I had six reasons to live, and to live forever. I never imagined I would be so lucky. I never imagined that the light at the end of my somber tunnel was this immortal life.

Of course, being the matriarch wasn't always a walk in the park.

"Esme!" I heard Alice's shrill voice carry easily throughout our two-story house, wondering why she was screaming so that every being in the house and probably within a mile radius could hear her. There was an irritated undertone in her words, but she sounded more excited than anything. "Esme, come quick!"

I was downstairs, standing close to our old piano. The pretense was that I was fixing up some of the wilted roses in the vase nearby, but in reality I just loved to see as well as hear Edward playing. He was letting his fingers dance over the keys lightly, playing a sweet tune composed just for me. His eyes would sometimes close and he would lose himself in the music, letting his oftentimes quiet heart speak. My first son – as I would always think of him – already had a small smile on his face, and I knew he was inwardly laughing at whatever antics his siblings were up to this time.

He opened his eyes and gave me a faint nod, but kept on playing, keeping his eyes focused on the keys though there was no need. With a sigh I put down the rose in hand and flitted upstairs, arriving outside Alice's door roughly five seconds after she had first called me.

Her impatient voice greeted me by opening the door and shushing me in, closing it behind her. "Come in, come in. What took you so long?"

I didn't bother to answer, instead taking in the scene before me. Alice was standing anxiously a few steps from the door, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Even in her short, jerky moments she looked like she was dancing – how she did it, I was never sure. Emmett was standing across the room, arms crossed across his chest and a spectacular childish scowl on his face. I immediately recognized the stubborn posture.

The television was on, nearly muted. I had been hearing the hum of it earlier, but hadn't bothered to listen to what these two were actually watching. Right now it was showing what appeared to be the final stages of a baseball game. The score on the set was five and two, though I didn't recognize the team initials. I could already sense what this would be about.

"Emmett won't pay up," Alice immediately told me, looking more than a little smug. "We bet on the outcome of the game, and now he refuses to admit he _lost_."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Emmett was the one who always wanted to bet, with nearly everything and everyone. It didn't help matters that he was so competitive, always wanting to win. And it certainly didn't help that Alice had the ability to see the future. His booming voice echoed in the medium sized room, more than a little annoyed. "She _cheated_. Obviously. Why should I pay her?"

"Because you lost! It's not my fault you didn't believe me earlier. Now – Pay. Up."

Alice held out her tiny hand to Emmett, not looking the least bit threatening. Emmett's large form towered over her, both in height and breadth. The tips of her spiky hair just about reached his chest. It was almost comical to watch, were they not been two very powerful vampires. That made it just a little dangerous, not for anyone here, but for my antique home. I had no choice but to intervene. "Emmett, house rules. If you make a bet you have to follow through. Abilities involved or not."

The golden eyes that had been trying to stare down Alice flickered to me, and I could detect the slightest slump in his shoulders. From downstairs, Edward's music swelled, picking up a quicker, merrier melody. And then, quite abruptly, it stopped, at the same time that Alice let her hand drop. Her face was completely blank, her eyes seeing something none of us – minus Edward – would ever understand.

There was an entire half second of silence.

Suddenly Alice grinned from ear to ear, turning around and meeting my eyes with an excited expression characteristic only of her. "Oh, there isn't any time for this! There's been a slight change in the weather patterns. A storm is blowing in tonight!" That only meant one thing, of course, and I didn't need to be Edward to know what my tiny daughter was planning. "There's no time to waste, I need to start picking out my uniform. And you- " she turned with a stern look to Emmett, who hadn't moved. "You had better pay up by my next shopping trip." By the time she finished speaking she had already flitted behind him, giving him a good shove towards the door before turning to her jammed closet.

Downstairs, Edward resumed his playing, resuming his lighter, upbeat tempo. I couldn't help but laugh at Emmett's torn expression, somewhere between excited and frustrated, before I returned downstairs. Tonight we would be playing ball.

Several hours later, the whole family was lined up at the edge of a large clearing about an hour's run from our home. The ground was somewhat rocky but on the whole it was pretty flat, just wide enough to serve as our baseball field. The edges were lined with sparse trees and shrubs, which got thicker as the terrain got higher. It was nighttime, but this only enriched the colors of the foliage and surrounding area, tinting everything in dark blues and greens. The storm clouds were just starting to thunder overhead, right on cue.

Alice was in front of us, tiny hands on tiny hips. Jasper was in line right across from her, with Rosalie and Emmett on one side, me to the other. Carlisle stood on my other side, his hand securely in my own. He had gotten home from the hospital just over an hour ago, working double shifts for the third time this week. The hours were demanding, but he often said he was the only one who could work so long without losing the quality of his treatment. I never reprimanded him, but inwardly I always felt like I was craving more time with him. Even though we spent every night together, it never seemed to be enough. I just loved him too much, more than I even thought should be possible. But how could I not? Besides being amazingly compassionate, he was also caring, knowledgeable, and extremely handsome…

Edward cleared this throat, sparing me a quick glance before stepping forward to stand next to Alice. They were choosing the teams, if only because the general consensus tonight was that they should not be allowed on the same one. 'Too much _cheating_,' Emmett said bitterly.

Alice was the one to speak first, her voice seeming particularly high-pitched over the rolling thunder. "Jasper, over here please."

That wasn't any surprise. Those two were on the same team more often than not. Edward followed closely after, speaking while casually spinning and twirling a bat in one hand. "Emmett."

"Rosalie."

"Carlisle."

My husband was the last to be called, and I held on to his hand for one lingering eighth of a second before letting him walk to where Edward and Emmett were already standing. The bases were already marked, with the home plate within five feet of us. The pitcher's mound was raised far in the distance, and that was where Emmett immediately ran. Edward and Carlisle followed suit but kept running into the outfield; Edward took left, Carlisle a closer to infield right, and they shared the center.

Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie were already by the pile of equipment, preparing to bat. I took my place behind the home plate, the unannounced catcher for both teams and referee. It was the position I always volunteered for, despite the fact that any one of them would offer to trade for a game. I liked keeping them fair.

"Batter up," I called back, and without any delay Rosalie shifted to step in front of me. Looking at her, anyone might think that she was the perfect lady, delicate and innocent. But to see and hear her when she was with the family would disrupt that notion. Rose was one of the most competitive, and these were the times she demonstrated it.

"Think you can even get it this far?" she called out to Emmett, her husband of several years. Those two were certainly an odd couple, more in temperament than physical appearance. They were opposites in every sense of the word, and yet they fit together perfectly.

Emmett let out a loud laugh, standing ready, ball in hand on the pitcher's mound. His mood had significantly improved with the prospects of a real baseball game, and a new bet on it to make up for the old one. "Better watch what you say Rose, you _know_ I don't go easy on you," he called out. He didn't wait for an answer, going through an exaggerated windup before shooting a zooming fastball straight at home plate and Rosalie.

The collision between bat and ball let out a thundering crack, followed by the sharp whistling of the ball cutting through the air and deep into center field. Rosalie took off towards first base, and the game began.

They certainly weren't pulling any punches tonight. Emmett hurled fastball after fastball, and went particularly hard on Alice. Edward and Carlisle were excellent outfielders, though evenly matched with Alice, Rose, and Jasper. There were thundering collisions, stolen bases followed by a round of taunts, and at one point the bat in Jasper's hands completely shattered with the force of Emmett's pitch. I had to make several calls on home plate, and also tone down the occasional cheating on both sides – mostly Emmett trying to hide things from my ever-watchful eyes. The score climbed slowly but surely on both sides, favoring Alice's team, much to the other's chagrin.

As I watched them playing through the night, I could not help but be filled with a deep appreciation for my family. My husband, my children. I was filled with a love so deep, so pure, that I couldn't find the appropriate words for it. Any I could think of seemed weak, insufficient. I just _loved_.

I still don't understand how I could ever be so lucky.

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**author's note: If you have been waiting for this story, I am terribly sorry to have delayed this first chapter so long. My writing muse ran away with my graphics muse, and they came back with a WoW baby. Talk about distracting!**

**I'm also sorry in advance if there are grammatical/spelling errors, I did not get a chance to proofread as well as I would have liked. Feel free to call me on it. I think that's all I've got for now. Read, review, let me know what you think. And if you've got any ideas for future chapters, let me know :)  
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	2. Emmett Bluffs

**Dedication: lesharostormraven, who challenged me to try a story from Emmett's point of view. Hope I do him some justice.

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**Chapter 2: Emmett Bluffs**

Some people might think that living with the same family for decade after decade might get boring or monotonous. And I won't lie – sometimes it does. High school is always the same, sure. We all go about nearly the same schedule year after year, courtesy of Carlisle and Esme's insistence that we pretend to be normal. (Like we could ever be considered normal. I mean, come on, have you seen my biceps?) But there are a lot of things that go on behind the scenes, the stuff that regular humans will never get to see. We find ways of entertaining ourselves.

Rosalie and I were up in our shared room, hugging each other tightly. Yeah... hugging. Her gorgeous body was aligned perfectly with mine, and I could feel every curve lined up against me. The house was completely silent; our surrogate parents had taken a three-day weekend to go hunting and the rest of the siblings were at school. Moments alone like this were rare, and we were fully planning on taking advantage of the fact.

It was just getting good when we heard the door burst open below, Alice's high-pitched soprano voice carrying up to the second story. "Thought it would be funny to ditch last minute, didn't you?" she asked us, a trace of irritation in her voice.

If there was one thing Alice didn't like it was being caught off-guard, and I would sometimes try to do it intentionally. Today I hadn't even thought about ditching school until last period, and I had up and left with Rose on a whim. There was no way the pixie could see decisions like those, and I was getting to be an expert at making them – spontaneously, of course.

"Oh, for the love of—" Edward's voice followed Alice, and I could already imagine the disgust on his face. Even Rosalie started snickering, only holding me to her tighter. I didn't need to ask what Edward was going on about because I already knew where my thoughts were going. And I imagined – or rather, hoped – Rose's were the same. "Seriously Emmett, do you even know the meaning of modesty?"

Instead of listening to my little mind-reading brother, I purposefully let my mind wander, focusing only on my wife's touch besides me. It was easy to linger on her inherent and perfect beauty, her sensual lips, the way she fit so perfectly... "Emmett!"

I laughed loudly, speaking at a normal volume. "Relax Edward, just because your a total pru—" My taunting words ceased abruptly when I felt a wave of nausea, and had to let go of Rosalie. Any desire I felt towards her was gone, replaced by an impossible desire to vomit. "Damn it, Jasper!" This time I was yelling as loudly as Edward, directed to our third brother. The one who had just used his stupid ability to make me feel nauseous of all things.

My wife rolled her eyes, demurely adjusted her clothing, and gave me a sly smirk. "Later, Em," she nearly purred, trailing her fingers along my jaw before sashaying out of the room. Just the tone of her voice was enough to make me forget the nausea. I was about to call her back when Alice abruptly showed up at our door, catching Rosalie just as she was leaving. Her former irritation was gone, replaced by an uncanny glow in her eyes.

"We were thinking of starting a game of poker later, everyone except Edward, obviously. Game?" I frowned and was about to open my mouth to speak when she continued. "No, I won't cheat, Emmett. Edward will be sitting out and making sure I'm not poking around the future." She said this in a defeated voice, like she was being asked to play without hands or something. Honestly, the girl was too used to that ability of hers.

I saw Rosalie wink at me, and give the subtlest of nods. "Sure, why not. What are we playing for?" I don't even know why I had to ask. It was common household knowledge that I loved good competition, and a part of that was having a good prize to work towards. There wasn't much any of us needed though, so that forced us to get creative.

Alice shrugged, though the smile on her face told me she wasn't without ideas. "We'll figure it out. Be down in fi-- ten minutes?" she half asked after pausing in the middle of her sentence and looking at me with an arched brow. Rosalie's eyes snapped to mine, and I grinned sheepishly at her. Without another word the pixie drifted away down the steps, and Rosalie came back into the room.

"Is it later?" I asked, tugging her back into my arms again. My embrace enveloped her completely, even though she was nowhere near as tiny as Alice was. She shook her head, though I could tell her body had something else in mind. Even before Edward could yell at us I was kissing her, running my fingers through her blond locks. There was no doubt about it – we were shameless.

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Twenty minutes and a quick change of clothes later, we were all gathered downstairs. Edward had just come inside, having left the house about eighteen minutes ago. I laughed, reaching over to tousle his hair as he passed by me. He was too quick though, ducking away from my hand and dropping onto the nearest couch. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment, his telltale sign of annoyance. I leaned over to kiss Rose quickly before addressing him. "You know Edward, I'm sure Tanya would come stay with us a while if you asked her pretty please. She might help you… well, relieve some stress."

I couldn't help but snicker, though I was one of the few people who found it funny. Rosalie only smirked, and Jasper minutely rolled his eyes. Probably sympathized with Edward on some deep emotional level. Empath, schmempath. Edward turned from the playing cards he was shuffling to glower at me, but our tiny sister interrupted us.

"Okay, we're ready to start," Alice announced, twirling her way to her spot. We were playing in the living room today, all four vampires sitting on the floor and huddled around the center table. Everything was cleared away except for four equal stacks of poker chips on each side of the square table, and a shuffled deck now in the middle.

Jasper nodded silently and went to sit next to Alice, with Rose opposite him. I immediately dropped down opposite Alice, next to my wife. Edward stood relatively nearby, half facing us and half the window. I could see a smirk on his lips when he turned to glance at me, and it didn't take a genius to figure out why he was amused.

Out of the whole lot of us, I easily looked the most out of place. Alice and Rose were able to somehow curl themselves up into compact tiny balls (I swear I don't even know how they did it) and Jasper was lean enough that he could sit sideways from the table, his legs stretched towards Alice's side as he twisted to face the rest of us. I just didn't bother to do anything special. I sat cross-legged, leaning towards the table, so that I overshadowed the tiny thing and everyone sitting at it. I couldn't help but grin and give Edward's a thumbs up, mentally adding – I wasn't kidding earlier little bro, we do need to get you a girl.

Before he could race over to kick my sorry rear Alice interrupted by speaking. "Same rules as always, but Emmett here wants a worthwhile prize to make this worth his while." She shot me a quick smirk, then continued seamlessly. "Any suggestions?" she asked, her eyes flickering from me to Jasper, then Rosalie.

But before either had a chance to respond, Edward broke in. "Winner gets the house to themselves for the rest of the weekend," he said, turning to face us completely. The kid was impossible to read; I couldn't even tell if he was being serious or not. "The rest will agree to leave – unless, of course, winner wants someone to stay."

I couldn't help but ask, almost immediately after he was done talking. "What's in it for you?"

Jasper laughed at my question, obviously getting something I didn't. Out of the corner of my eye I could see his hand reaching out to take Alice's – it was obvious who he would keep if he won. "He simply wants to save himself some grief this weekend."

"Basically anything to get you two out of the house," Edward added unceremoniously, looking directly at Rose and I.

I glanced at Rose, and she looked back at me with that same sexy smirk. We certainly weren't offended. Far from it, I actually found Edward's words kind of funny. Laughing, I lightly tapped the table (cracking the wood in the process), indicating towards the deck of cards. "Sounds good to me, let's get this game going."

In a flash, Alice was nimbly dealing out five cards, leaving the deck in the middle. The hands went quickly; Jasper won two in a row with double full houses, then Rosalie with a straight. Alice, me, Jasper, me again. Our stacks of chips were constantly going up and down, but the hands kept going. House rules stated that we played until only one player was left standing, so when two hours had gone by and we were still going, no one was surprised.

Another hour later, and Rose was finally bumped off the table with a bluff gone bad. She had lost her final chips to Jasper, who by now had a ridiculous lead on Alice and me. It didn't take a genius to know why, because no matter how many times Edward gave Jazz warning glances, it wasn't like he could turn off his ability.

But that also meant it could be used against him. Edward's eyes flickered to mine for a moment, and had I been paying more attention I would have been indignant at the surprised look in them. As it was, I was more preoccupied with my flash of utter genius.

I didn't do anything at first. After Rosalie was knocked out I played cautiously, keeping my bets low and trying to let Alice and Jasper fight it out. I should have known that would fail miserably. After about three hands I saw them exchange glances, and then all of a sudden Alice went down in a fiery blaze of glory. She put down every last chip she had, betting on a trashy hand, losing, and giving Jasper an impossible lead over me. The little pixie didn't even bother acting mad – she gave my tiny stack of chips a huge grin and settled so that she could curl up next to Jasper.

"Come on, you can do it, baby," I heard Rosalie whisper in my ear, her words so soft I wasn't sure anyone else could hear them. "Just think, an entire weekend to ourselves."

That was all the encouragement I needed. Slowly, hand by risky hand, I wore down Jasper's giant stacks of poker chips. Most of the time it was my luck of the draw against his game strategy – and I was getting pretty lucky. Another three hours later, and we were nearly even. It wasn't until I beat out his two pair with a straight that I realized I actually had more chips than he did.

Time for the master plan.

Rosalie dealt the next hand, and I hardly glanced at it before turning to grin at Jasper. "Ooh hoo, lookee what I got here," I nearly whistled, keeping just the right amount of arrogance in my voice. "I think I may be going all in here." I glanced again at the cards in my hand – a pair of queens and nothing else.

I could see a flash of uncertainty in his eyes, and that's when I put my plan into action. See, the thing about Jasper's ability is that he can sense emotions, but doesn't get why or how they're going on. And after a dozen years or so of living with an empath, you get to be pretty good at faking it. So I sent the strongest wave of confidence that I could muster. I thought about my strength, my speed, my ability to beat nearly every vampire into a venomy pulp. I could see recognition in Jasper's eyes.

He spoke with a touch of hesitance, though it was barely there. "Two." He handed two cards to Rose, who dealt him two more. I could almost hear the little gears going in his head, but instead thought about my wife's reassuring squeeze on my knee. I exchanged three cards, and couldn't believe my ridiculous amount of luck. My glorious new hand consisted of the three queens and two eights – a decent full house if there ever was one.

"Uh… on second thought…" I immediately threw as much doubt into my voice as I could, to offset the surge of confidence earlier. It was time for Phase 2 of the Fool-Jasper-Into-Taking-My-Bet Plan (I didn't have time to think up a better name, okay?). I glanced down at my cards, and threw off the greatest feeling of insecurity I could muster. This one was a whole lot harder than putting off confidence, and a lot more faked, but I thought it was going pretty well.

By this time I didn't know who had caught on to my little plan, but it seemed like the mixed emotions in the room were taking a toll on Jasper. I could see amusement in Edward's smirk, warning in Alice's eyes, and confusion in Rose's furrowed – perfect – eyebrows.

The schempath in the room wasn't really looking at any of them though, his eyes flickering between our nearly equal stacks of poker chips. I kept up the emotional lack of confidence, but let arrogance filter into my voice. "Well, no second thought. I'm all in."

I didn't wait for him to respond before I was pushing forward every chip I had, not bothering to count how many were there. Jasper's eyebrows went up in surprise, and for the first time he met my eyes. I grinned cockily at him, but I kept up a stream of anxious thoughts and feelings. Let's see, let's see. Another vampire beating—no, that wouldn't happen. Not satisfying Ros-- pfft, who am I kidding? Oh, I know. An entire gang of vampires crowding me in some sunshiney alley, even I couldn't take on a dozen… well, at least not on a bad day. Yeah, gang of vampires about to thrash me.

The next few seconds I could literally taste the tension in the air. Jasper had a habit of doing that, getting really serious over silly things. And sometimes he projected those emotions without really thinking about it, so now we were all suffocating under the strain of his decision. Nearly a minute later – a minute where his eyes flickered to his cards, to my face and cocky smile, and back to his cards – he smirked at me.

"Nice try Emmett, but there's no way you've got this." He pushed forward all of his chips, smirking at me. For a brief moment in time, I thought I heard a petulant sigh coming from the spiky haired pixie across from me, but I didn't care. I immediately let up the feelings of anxiety (talk about weird), and started laughing my booming laugh when I saw Jasper's confidence drain away.

"Let's see 'em," I said with a grin, ignoring the fact that he could have still had the better hand. I threw down my full house at the same time that he threw down his hand – three of a kind, jacks.

The look on his face was priceless. Priceless! Chortling, I gathered all the chips to me with both arms, but before they were picked up I turned and gave Rosalie a full kiss on the lips. Around us I could hear Edward sighing and stealthing away to the back door while Jasper got up in a bit of a huff and Alice followed.

Eventually the house was silent, abandoned. But with my wife by my side, I hardly noticed. It would be a fantastic weekend.


	3. Jasper Abstains

**Dedication: Wolf Jade, who suggested the first day of high school for Alice and Jasper. I certainly enjoyed writing a somewhat tormented Jasper, and I hope you can somewhat relate this to "the one who always looks like he's in pain."

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**Chapter 3: Jasper Abstains**

There were several things wrong – downright terrible – with the concept, but for some reason I went along with it anyway. Well, not some reason, but one reason. I seemed to have a very difficult time denying my wife anything she asked of me.

Even if what she was asking was that I trap myself in small, enclosed spaces with dozens of frail human children. Talk about bad ideas.

I tried desperately to not envision the humans as walking fountains of blood as we drove up to Thomas Kelly High School, as we walked inside the office and greeted the receptionist, as we all received our various schedules. I didn't even look at the slip of paper in my hand because I was busy trying to accept that the young woman in front of me was a being with thoughts and dreams and aspirations, and not just a meal waiting to be drained. It was difficult, yes, but the tiny hand held securely in my own, accompanied by strong vibes of confidence, love, and support, was certainly helping.

Alice's high chiming voice reached my ears, though it was at a volume so quiet I was sure the humans in the room wouldn't hear. "Don't worry Jazz, everything is clear for the day." I wasn't sure if she could sense my unease because she was my mate, or because it was just that obvious, but I didn't dwell on the fact. "If I may-- "

As we headed towards the hallway her free hand slipped the schedule out of my hand, and she held it to hers and Edward's for a few seconds. Edward glanced over her shoulder easily, and then turned to me with a reassuring smile. "Either Alice or I are in your class at any given time, so, uh – well, it will be fairly safe, and hopefully tolerable." His look of sympathy was comforting, just as much as the feelings of understanding he was projecting.

I knew that Edward comprehended my predicament well, almost better than Alice. He understood the difficulty of abstaining from human blood, magnified a thousandfold by decades of instant gratification. He comprehended the great difficulty attending high school presented for me, the fact that I would be surrounded by the tantalizing scent of blood, pressed up against warm, breathing humans on all sides. Weak, so easily conquered... I could already envision their throbbing pulse points, blood rushing just under the skin....

There was no time to finish the thought because Edward gave me a warning glance, and pressed his lips together in a tight line. Stop it Jasper. You're only making it more difficult for both you. The realization led to a stab of guilt, but I did my best to not project it towards Alice – I was sure she had enough to worry about today. My thoughts were abruptly interrupted by Emmett's voice behind us.

"We're off to English. See you later kiddos," he called out to Edward, Alice, and I. His arm was securely wrapped around Rosalie, his lips lingering near her hair as they walked away from us – it was obvious he wouldn't oblige to our 'No Public Affection' rule. He didn't seem to care that it made the humans feel uncomfortable, on top of a general sentiment of fear. Luckily, we wouldn't be seeing much of them today, and I wouldn't have to deal with those emotions on top of mine own.

Rosalie and Emmett were pretending to be seniors, while the rest of us were juniors. Sibling relations split us in the middle as well; Rosalie and I were supposed to be foster children, brother and sister, while Emmett, Alice, and Edward were the adopted children, with Alice and Edward acting like twins (it was a good thing they were both superb liars). We were arranged this way for two main reasons. The primary one, the one that everyone avoided talking about, was that it was significantly easier for Edward and Alice to watch out for me, and to prevent... slips. And we could only be in the same classes if we were in the same year. The other reason, the one everyone made a fuss about, was that this way I would be in time for university applications and entrance examinations. That was the only reason I was even coming to high school – it would be much easier for me to obtain my desired university education if I had a previous school record.

At least, that's what they said. They didn't understand that being physically present in this school was infinitesimally more difficult for me than any carefully crafted lie to get me admitted to a university. After all – save Edward – none of them had had decades of instant gratification. I had begun to think high school was more like some insane vampire rite of passage than anything else, but I knew no one would ever confirm this.

I thought I felt a flash of amusement from Edward, the hint of a smirk, but it was too brief to really tell. By this time we had long lost sight of our 'senior' siblings, and were all walking down to History, the first and only class we all shared. "Oh drat, a seating assignment of all things," I heard Alice mutter as we neared the door, her lips turning down in the most adorable pout. "Looks like you'll be two columns over, two rows behind me and one behind Edward."

The seating arrangement I understood easily enough. Alice and Edward were Cullens, I was listed as Hale, and the list was probably alphabetical. (Why I had to take Rosalie's name is a whole other story.) What I didn't understand were the waves of petulance rolling off of my wife, more tangible in the air than any other emotion. It couldn't have been the seating that was affecting her so much; we had known from the start we would be forced to stay apart. It took me a few seconds of intense concentration to pinpoint the real problem – there was worry underneath her annoyance. She was hiding her worry.

This did little for my self-confidence as I braced myself to enter the History classroom. In the hallways the general scent of human blood was somewhat diluted by other smells, open windows, generally larger spaces. In the tiny, enclosed classrooms which hardly ever popped open a window, I knew the scent would be much more concentrated, much more tempting.

As I stepped inside the doorway, after a dancing (and falsely cheery) Alice and before a decidedly cautious Edward, I realized just how right I was. My throat burst into painful flames, and bitter venom instantly flooded my mouth. The blood, the concentrated, undiluted smell of young human blood washed over my senses. It was too much. I could hear two dozen hearts thrumming with anticipation, could smell the overpowering blend of blood, could even taste it on my tongue. It was everywhere. My eyes swept to the side, to the first human in my line of sight. She was a young girl, with short and curly golden brown hair, and bright green eyes. She was a young girl with a quick heartbeat and a throbbing pulse point in the perfect spot on the side of her neck. She was a human, designed to be my prey. It was a dressed up container of blood. It would be so easy to pick up in one hand...

I heard a minuscule gasp from Alice, at the exact same time that Edward tensed, and reached forward as if to brush something off my sleeve. The sound, the touch was just enough to distract me. Suddenly the dressed up blood container turned to meet my eyes, projecting strong feelings of shyness and a trace of fear. The young girl looked away quickly, but it was just enough. I forced the bloodthirsty thoughts away, swallowed the venom back convulsively, and took the first open seat next to Alice, prepared to wallow in my own misery.

Less than five seconds had passed since I entered the classroom. It would be a very long day.

"Good morning class, and welcome to U.S. History. My name is Mr. Wilkins, and I will be teaching you the fascinating history of our nation, beginning with the signing of the Declaration, all the way up to the Great Depression. Now, before we begin, will everyone please look at you schedules…" Wilkins' voice faded into the background as he first asked the students to double-check their schedules, and then stand for the seat assignments. I stayed very close to Alice the entire time, right up until the moment she had to leave to take her seat in front of Edward.

As I stood alone, waiting for Hale to be called, I was at least able to take comfort in the fact that I could still pick out strong emotions of love from Alice, and compassion from Edward. Besides these two prominent feelings, I could also pick out the human children's emotions. They were confused, frightened, bored, apathetic, enthusiastic, calm, worried. I hadn't noticed it initially, but these humans certainly did have a broad spectrum of emotions, albeit weaker than ours. I found it oddly… interesting. Not nearly as much as their blood, but interesting nonetheless.

"Jasper Hale," I heard the name called, foreign to my ears, and nodded belatedly in acknowledgment. As I turned and met the teacher's eyes, I could immediately feel a swell of discomfort from Wilkins. It might have stemmed from the natural wariness to our kind, or the fact that I towered at least a foot over him, but whatever it was, he did a poor job of hiding it. "P-please take your seat, uh – yes, right there," he stammered as I automatically headed to the place Alice had mentioned earlier.

I only nodded again and dropped down into the chair, noticing with a trace of amusement that my legs were too long for the desk, and that the girl in front of me was scooting forward and away. Good preservation instincts, I thought to myself, and could just make out Edward's nod. I still don't understand the need to submit ourselves to this torture, I added, irritability seeping into the tenor of my thoughts.

Edward didn't answer again, and so I looked down at the empty notebook before me to pass the time, concentrating on the mildly disgusting scent of processed paper. Within minutes the general confusion in the room settled together with the students, and Wilkins continued addressing the class. "Today I just want to go through a rough outline of what we'll be doing for the rest of this year. We will be starting with…" Again his voice faded into the background. Something much more prominent soon took its place.

Heartbeats. Heartbeats pumping young, fresh blood. I had certainly not forgotten about the fact that there were humans around me, but being close to my fellow vampires had helped block the scents slightly. Now that there were no longer any movement, with every breakable human sitting still, the scent of blood began to hang heavier in the air. This time there was no Alice to grasp my hand, or Edward to throw me warning glance. I started to think about how simply I could reach out to any side and touch a warm, human body… the venom was already pooling in the back of my burning throat…

I forced myself to stop breathing. My shoulders maintained a strained, fake breathing motion, and I completely cut the intake of air. But I just couldn't leash in my thoughts. I remembered the times, decades ago, that I had hunted humans. How easy it was to cut through their throats, how delicious their blood was. My brain did an excellent job of blocking out the remorse that used to accompany my feedings, so that my thoughts were only focused on the delight. And I wanted it again, so bad.

Edward was visibly tensed across the room from me, and even Alice was perfectly still. I instinctively knew her expression would be blank, searching and picking out the most likely futures. Tenths of seconds passed slowly, becoming seconds, becoming minutes.

Wilkins droned on, and I knew with dreadful certainty that I had just discovered my own personal hell.

I didn't hear a word the teacher said, until he mentioned the Civil War. At this, a tiny part of my brain started listening more intently, even as the rest of me battled raging thirst and temptation. As he spoke briefly about the causes of the war, I couldn't help but roll my eyes. They had it so wrong, were telling the incorrect side of the story. I had half a mind to correct him when a new thought popped into my scattered thoughts – Wilkins was certainly not as fragile and weak as the human children. Perhaps he would make the better meal? A little struggle always made the hunt more thrilling…

Edward faked a cough, and my thoughts snapped again into focus. Humans. People. I suppressed a groan, and still not breathing, stared at the blank piece of paper before me.

Eventually Wilkin's stopped droning on and on, and an annoyingly shrill bell sounded the end of the period. Edward, Alice, and I were standing in the next instant, and were outside within the minute, even as the teacher went on about how we would have a great year. Yes, if I don't drain you fir- My thoughts immediately stopped when Edward glared at me, and I glumly looked away.

I was aware that I was making life difficult for him, magnifying his temptation with my own. But that didn't mean I could stop it. He sighed, and slung his bag over his shoulder. "I'll see you two at lunch." He exchanged a quick glance with Alice before walking away, shoulders still strained and visibly on edge.

As soon as he was out of sight, Alice took a hold of my hand and abruptly started walking in the opposite direction, tugging me along me behind her. She weaved between people in the hallway much more easily than I did, but we were able to make it to the closest window undisturbed anyway. This was as close as I could get to fresh air without drawing suspicions, and I gulped at the cleaner air hungrily. It was a relief to have my sense of smell back, painful to feel my throat burn again.

"I'm sorry Jasper," I heard Alice whisper, lifting our joined hands so that they rested against her cheek. "I guess I never really thought --" She stopped there, and instead closed her eyes and kissed the palm of my hand very quickly.

And suddenly, nothing was more important than Alice. Not my raging thirst, or my searing throat, or my complete inability to curb my bloodthirsty thoughts. I leaned down a bit and took her face in both my hands, suppressing my own horrid emotions. Instead I channeled what I felt for Alice – love, pure and undiluted. The tension between us eased considerably, and she opened her eyes to meet mine. We were completely silent for a few eternal moments, completely gone from the world, existing only in each other. The silence was only broken by Alice's whispered words. "You are doing very well, you know."

I couldn't help smirk, slipping my hands away from her face to hold hers. "Tell that to Edward, he might just try and dismember me when we get home." We both laughed shakily at that, quietly enough that hardly anyone noticed. "We'd better go, or we'll be late for--"

"Math," she filled in for me, her nose wrinkling at the word.

"Math," I repeated, mimicking her expression. She grinned at me then, a genuine smile that I could feel reflected in her emotions. And just that emotion, that smile, made this suffering through my own personal hell worth it.


	4. Alice Wrestles

**Dedication: swk1024, who (I'm willing to bet a very long time ago) asked for a story about Rose and Alice shopping. That was the basis for this chapter, and although it... _deviates_, I had a great amount of fun writing this. Oh, and also to all Alice fans out there, especially those who have been reading since Seeking the Unknown. Hope you enjoy!**

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**Chapter 4: Alice Wrestles**

My fingers tapped a quick rhythm on the top of the grand piano, light and steady. The slow ticking of the grandfather clock in the living room struggled to keep up with a tenth of my pace, lumbering along slowly behind as my taps got faster and faster. The house was quiet, and soon the combined rhythm, fast and slow, seemed to be the only sound echoing in every room. Eventually Edward casually passed by the doorway, eying his piano cautiously. "That won't help any, you know."

I didn't need any special gift to know how uneasy my adopted brother was about the piano abuse, so I gave him an apologetic smile and abruptly flitted past him. On my way up the stairs, I added for his benefit, _Every time Edward, every single time! _A muted chuckle followed after me.

Rosalie and I were going shopping today, and true to her style, Rose was making a grand show of primping and preening and getting ready. It was like this whenever we went anywhere, and I just about had a fit every time one of my visions would change because of her. Every casual glance in the mirror delayed our departure time by a solid five minutes, sometimes more. Aggravating, to say the least, but nothing I did could ever change it. Not that it stopped me from trying. I bounced my way to stand inside her door frame, taking in the scene before me.

My _beloved_ sister was sitting in a comfortable chair in front of her vanity mirror, gazing at her reflection in the mirror with a pleased smile. Her golden locks were arranged in luscious curls down her back, not a single hair out of place. They framed her pale features, complete with lightly done eyes, ruby red lips, and a light – fake – rosy blush on both cheeks. I could tell she was happy with her smile in the mirror, but even as I watched her eyes traveled down her reflection to a spot on her shoulder. A brief frown followed, and then a lightning quick move to brush some nonexistent fluff off her dressy top – she was nothing if not immaculate.

"Are you finally ready?" I asked the little doll before me, the petulance in my voice easy to hear. I wasn't exactly known for being patient.

Rosalie's eyes met mine in the mirror, and the pleased smile on her face changed to a devilish smirk. "I don't know, you tell me." Her tone was smug, like she had just said the wittiest thing in the world and knew it. I rolled my eyes at her, and was about to fire back when the scene before me changed.

Suddenly Rose was standing next to me, and we were both watching as a tall, burly man approached us. I couldn't make out his features very well, except for the a smug smile similar to the one I had seen seconds before. The man's hand extended out in greeting, and suddenly the vision changed. As I watched flickers unfold before me, my annoyance faded away, replaced with a sense of excitement. _Oh, that can be fun_, I thought to myself, not caring whether or not Edward heard me.

A few seconds had passed, and my sister had by now turned to watch me with a curious expression. I gave her a brilliant smile before stepping over to her, taking her firmly by the arm, and giving her a good tug. "We're going now," I informed her, ignoring her quick protest about needing to fix her hair and touch up her lipstick. Luckily we managed to get to Rosalie's car before she wiggled out of my grasp, rolling her eyes and daintily opening the passenger's side door.

"You're driving, _I'm_ going to fix what you mussed up," she offered as explanation before sitting down. "And what did you see anyway, that's got you all in a hurry?"

"You never being ready on your own," I blatantly lied, knowing that it was unlikely she would press the matter further. Of course, I was right, and she shrugged away my answer and started rummaging through her purse. A minute of silence passed as I slid into the seat next to her and pulled out of the driveway. It wasn't until we were on the road going about fifty that I spoke again. "Honestly Rose, why were you bothering so much today? We're in a _convertible_."

A shiny, brand new, pink Mustang convertible, to be precise. Rosalie, like Edward, had a thing for cars, but she wasn't afraid of flaunting it. When she wasn't tinkering with something under the hood she liked showing off her toys, even if Carlisle constantly told her we had to be inconspicuous. Truth be told, I wasn't quite sure if Rose even knew what that meant.

I saw the action in my mind's eye a split second before she actually did it. Somehow my sister twisted around in her seat and reached back far enough to reach the car's top. She gave it a quick tug at the same time that she flipped around, her dexterous fingers working quickly. The next thing I knew the convertible had it's top snugly on, and Rosalie was sitting next to me carefully twirling a curl that had gotten out of place. "There," she said with a satisfied smile, idly pulling out a small mirror and glancing at her reflection.

"Hopeless," I said in a sigh. "You'd better hope no one saw that." Not to say Rose's actions didn't have a flip side. Now that the top was up I took advantage of the cover, stepping on the gas and pushing the car to its limit. We were only a dozen or so miles of country road from Chicago, and it took us less than ten minutes to reach the outer boundaries of the city. I slowed down a tiny bit as we hit the city roads, mindful of pedestrians but for the most part ignoring traffic regulations. Edward and I both had the advantage of built in radar detectors, and now I used it to get us to the tiny mall I had seen earlier all the faster.

Within fifteen minutes of leaving the house I had the shiny car parked close, watching some poor human boy eye it – and Rosalie – hungrily as we got out. "And Carlisle expects me to keep my pretty baby all locked up," my sister nearly purred as she trailed her fingers along the car's hood. I took a quick glance around. The pink convertible stuck out like a sore thumb among more common blacks and silvers – it was a gorgeous sore thumb, but nonetheless. I was about to jump into the well-worn _Inconspicuous_ speech, but thought better of it in light of what I was going to do later. Instead rolled my eyes and took off toward the only entrance into the tiny mall.

"Pretty car, jealous humans, same old same old," I said under my breath, so that only Rosalie could hear me. "This is _much_ more interesting." My words were spoken with a flourish as I dramatically pushed open the double doors, though I'm sure my sister wasn't impressed. The doors opened up to a somewhat narrow hallway with smaller stores branching off on either side. The smell of cotton and polyester dominated, even over the human scents. Everything looked small, even to me, and almost too... homely. The dim lighting did nothing to help the drab interior, and if I was being honest with myself I probably would never have come here if it hadn't been for my vision.

Rose turned to me with an arched brow, and I could almost hear her silent question: _Why?_ I linked my arm in hers and started walking slowly to the nearest clothing store, whispering under my breath, "Just trust me on this."

The store we walked into was small, split evenly into men's and women's clothing with a single customer service desk in the center. It's beige interior was complimented by a gangly cashier in his late teens, who nearly tripped over himself as we both walked in. He looked torn between being chatting us up and just staring, and ended up doing a little of both. After giving us both a stumbled greeting he held my gaze for a few seconds and then muttered something about needing to go to the back. I waved him away and immediately headed to the sparsely stocked men's section.

Now that we were alone, my sister stood next to me with folded arms, not even pretending to look at the clothes. "Please tell me you have another stop planned," she said as her eyes took in a line of winter jackets with unrecognizable labels.

"Sure," I replied briefly, pretending to look through some of the sizes. I almost wanted to tell her what would happen later, but that would ruin the surprise – and I knew she would play along anyway. "I was just thinking about a cute little store here before we left and thought it was worth a shot."

"This isn't it." I chuckled at Rosalie's dry answer. I had to admit, Emmett seemed to be rubbing off on her as the years went by. There were times when she did so little to filter her thoughts. For the most part I just found it amusing. "And why are you looking at the mens clothes, anyway? I thought Jasper didn't want anything else for a decade or so."

I shrugged and kept flipping through the clothing before me, eventually taking a few steps over so that I would have a better look at the door. A few seconds passed before I said, "Just bear with me for a few minutes, will you?"

Those few minutes turned into about twenty, but I hardly moved from where I was. I could tell my sister was getting impatient, and even I started to worry about the timing of my vision. I was one second away from giving up when I saw him coming in.

The smug smile set me off, but the rest of him matched too. He was broad-shouldered, tall, and burly, with an overly built chest and arms. The rest of him seemed off proportioned, though; chicken legs too thin, curly hair too short, black eyes too beady. His scent was similar to sawdust, but a little sour somehow, and relatively low on the pleasant meter. He strutted in like he was the best looking guy in the room, his eyes doing a general sweep and landing first on me, then Rosalie. His gaze lingered with her, his smile getting just a little ugly as he took in her statuesque figure and blond curls. He quickly made his way over to us.

"Hello lovely ladies, my name is Ro_bert_, how are you doin' today?" Ro_bert_ extended his hand first to Rosalie, and when she eyed him disdainfully and ignored it, he shifted to me. I gave him a purposefully shy smile, took the hand, and weakly shook it.

"Fantastic Robbie – can I call you Robbie, I'm sure you don't mind." I spoke quickly, and was aware of Rosalie's piercing glare as I chatted with the guy.

I could see that he was squinting slightly trying to catch up with my words, but his attention wasn't on me for very long – not the brightest bulb. He instead turned to Rose, gave her what he probably thought was a breathtaking smile, and said, slowly, "Hey sweetie, did the fall from heaven hurt? Because you're an absolute _angel_." He paused for effect, ignored my sister's scoff, and kept blundering on. "Could I possibly have the pleasure of taking you out to dinner tonight?"

"N. O." Rosalie's words – letters – were clipped, and she made no pretense of even mildly humoring him. I wasn't sure if it was because of the long wait, or if she just really didn't like the guy, but with arms crossed and grimace in place, she was the image of rejection.

"_Play along, it'll be fun," _I said in a very quiet voice, so that only Rose would hear. Louder, "What my sister means, Robbie, is that anyone that wants to date her has to go through me." I flashed him a brilliant white smile, and stood up to my full height – about a foot and a half shorter than him.

He turned to me then, eying me dubiously. "Really now?" he questioned, looking from my tiny frame to Rosalie, confused more than anything.

"Yes, exactly," my sister answered, though I could tell she was being half sarcastic. Only to me, she replied very quietly, _"This had better be worth it."_

Robert didn't seem to catch on to our silent conversation, but seemed content enough with Rosalie's answer. "So what do I have to do then?" he said. I could already tell he was sizing me up, and it didn't take him very long at all. It felt for a moment like he was trying to intimidate me, but it took me less than a second to shift from innocent to determined. His expression faltered, but he didn't back down.

"Beat me at a quick arm wrestling match," I said sweetly. I distinctly heard Rose snicker at the same time that Robert's eyes widened, then narrowed again. He took a second look at my slender arms, then laughed loudly.

"Sure. And when I win, your sister here has to be go out to dinner with me. Deal?" he said, his eyes gleaming as he once again looked Rosalie over, his eyes settling on her now smug smile.

I nodded at his proposal, dumped the clothes I had been carrying for show, and headed to the door. "Food court," I offered as explanation as we stepped outside, more for Robert's benefit than our own.

It took us no time to reach the first table in the minuscule food court, settling on a small rectangular table for four. Robert and I sat opposite each other, while Rosalie didn't even bother. She instead took her place by my side, whispering in my ear just before I sat down, "Play nice Alice." I could tell from her amused voice she was getting in the mood for things – when it came down to it, I think my sister appreciated a distraction as much as I did.

Sitting across from me, I had to admit that Robert looked pretty big by human standards. He was buff, and I was momentarily glad there weren't many humans around to witness the somewhat stupid thing I was about to do. He gave me a huge grin as he brought his arm up to the table, hand open waiting for me. I mimicked him, pausing for a moment before touching my skin to his. "No second thoughts?" I asked him with a grin of my own.

"For a date with this angel, I'll gladly take you on. I promise not to beat you _too_ hard." His gaze flickered to Rose with his words, before returning to me with a wink.

I could clearly see the exact moment he touched his hand to mine. His eyebrows furrowed in surprise, a shiver spreading through his upper body. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but when he saw me unaffected, closed it again. I was hoping he would assume the iciness of my skin was in his head; I didn't react to his overly warm temperature to encourage it.

Within seconds it looked like his mind was otherwise occupied anyway. I was dwarfed by him in every way – his arm was about three times the width of mine, and my hand utterly disappeared in his grasp. By the time Rosalie took a step to stand between us, I was sure he was already thinking of how he would impress her on his date. I hardly stopped myself from laughing out loud, anticipating his face in about five minutes.

"Ready? Go," my sister said quickly. Her words caught Robert off guard, and he reacted about half a second later. He went to push my arm down gently, but when he saw I resisted, he started trying harder. I simply sat there smiling at him as he frowned, and proceeded to push against my hand more and more.

A few seconds passed as I let him exert himself. When I judged he was at his strength's limit, I gave him about half an inch, even acting strained. I smelled the light perspiration along his forehead before I saw it, but it seemed like this little motion gave him hope. The utterly bewildered look on his face flickered back to confidence as I gave him some more inches slowly but surely, until he 'had me' within two inches of the table.

"Hhnng," he started to mutter between clenched teeth, his muscles twitching slightly as he tried to push down the last few inches.

I turned away from him to catch Rosalie's eye. She was watching with a tiny half smile, apparently confident that I wouldn't let him win. I briefly considered how funny it would be to force Rose to go on a date with this silly human, but ended up choosing my wellbeing over my entertainment. Turning back to Robert, I smiled innocently. "Just about done?" I asked him, aware that this was going on much longer than he had expected. His forehead was sprinkled with droplets of sweat, his muscles straining, teeth clenched.

His eyes widened as he turned his attention to my face. Before giving him time to answer I flexed my muscle the tiniest bit, watching with satisfaction as even that motion pushed him back halfway. "What th-" he started, but before he finished I had pushed him back another few inches until we were back at start.

Without pause I started pushing his arm down, being very gentle and trying not to accidentally break his huge hand in the meantime. I took my sweet time, but it still only took me about five seconds after I initially started pushing to have his hand down within centimeters of the table. The last push was a caress – I lightly tapped his hand to the table and immediately slipped my hand out of his grasp.

"Pleasure meeting you Robbie," I said brightly, bouncing out of my seat. "Hope I didn't go _too_ hard on you." With that I linked my arm with Rosalie's, and we both headed outside at an almost inhuman pace, leaving Robert with mouth agape and no clue about what had just happened.

It wasn't until we reached the car that we both started giggling, then laughing out loud. Rose eased into the driver's seat still chuckling occasionally, and I slid into the passenger's side seconds after. "I can't you believe you dragged us all the way out here just to give Rob_ert_ a hard time," she told me as she turned on the ignition. There was no annoyance in her tone, which was a good sign - only a trace of smugness as she glanced at me with a raised eyebrow. "Though what is it that you're always going on about? Being... _inconspicuous_?"

I purposefully decided to ignore her last comment. "Was the distraction worth it?" I asked as I stretched back in the seat for a moment. I could see her answer before she said it, but it was still nice to hear.

"... maybe."

I knew that was all I was going to get from my sister, but I also knew her well enough to know she had enjoyed teasing the arrogant human as much as I had. I closed my eyes and grinned, settling into the plush seat of the convertible. "Now let's go shopping."

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**author's note #2: I didn't want to put this up there since I might take it out later, but... I'm sorry!! You know, for the six month lag in updating :( I will be the first to say: . I just got so carried away with school and games and school and people and -insert more excuses here-. I will very honestly try to bring you much more frequent updates over the summer (in fact, the next chapter is already over half written). Hope you can forgive me... now pretty please review? :)**


	5. Carlisle Teaches

**Dedication: To my friend tanwellman, who requested some Carlisle love about three months ago... I do hope this isn't _too_ late ;)**

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**Carlisle Teaches**

My children, they tend to think of them as merely 'humans.' As creatures physically similar to us, but essentially different in every other way. I notice this most when Jasper eyes a young woman, or Rosalie saunters past a young man. He sees blood; she sees an object that doesn't deserve attention. Emmett is indifferent, and to a lesser degree, so are Alice and Edward. To them they are creatures, weaker and slower than us. Merely 'humans.'

My adoring wife Esme, on the other hand, is more forgiving. The children would have you think that this is only because she doesn't spend as much time in their company as we do, but it is otherwise. She truly does have the gift of love, and oftentimes I have heard her speak as nicely of a human as one of our kind.

But I, unlike the majority of my family, think of them as equals. Equally deserving of love, mercy, and most of all, compassion. Again – my family would have you think I possess a gift. I simply cannot see it any other way. Ultimately, we are all creatures inhabiting the same planet, sharing resources and life. Yes, humans may not be as physically capable as vampires, but they remain our equals in the greater scheme of things.

This is one of the reasons I dedicate so much of my time to helping them. Most often my help takes the form of practicing medicine. I can see more clearly, act more quickly in the event of emergencies. But every few decades or so I find it just as rewarding to teach.

This time I was also doing it to assist Jasper. It was his first time through college, and although I was confident in his control of the thirst, he claimed to feel safer if I stayed close by. So Esme had found a cozy little house near the University of Alaska, Fairbanks, where she, Edward, and I were to stay. My other children were in houses of their own; Rosalie and Emmett in a larger house nearby, and Alice and Jasper in an isolated cottage about half an hour away. The Alaskan weather was pleasant, and everyone had settled in quite comfortably after the first week.

Thoughts of my family swirled together in my mind before the beginning of class, together with distant recollections of Italy, wishful thinking involving my wife, and a careful monitoring of my thirst. The actual material for my class session was in the very back of my mind; I knew introductory biology well enough that I didn't bother preparing detailed lesson plans.

I was in the lecture hall early, as usual. With briefcase in hand I greeted the professor who had the room before me, a large man with shaggy brown hair and thick oval glasses. "Professor Cullen," he said in greeting, still pushing his lecture notes together into an unruly stack. "How is your research proposal coming along?"

"Very well. I still have some details to work out, but it should be ready on schedule. How was class today?" It was easy enough to maintain light conversation with my colleague as I mused about how my proposal was actually going. All of the new university professors were required to publish at least six peer-reviewed papers within the first four years; Edward had wanted to do mine as a small side project. Last I had heard he was done with the second already, and pretty far ahead on the third.

"Alright... Good luck keeping their attention today. Friday and all that, it seems like that's the universal 'stop thinking' signal," the other professor told me before leaving, waving as he stepped out the double doors.

I returned his farewell with a smile and chuckle. Once he was gone, I took out my materials in a few eighths of a second – chalk, pen, very brief lecture notes – and pretended to lean casually on the desk until the students started filing in.

As usual, I could smell them before they actually stepped inside. The doors swung open with the first group, and the first wave of scents hit me. Lavender, cinnamon, a distinctive cedar-and-oak mix. After the first week I had been able to identify my students based on scents alone, but I still remembered their names as well – Susan, Carol, Damien. This was one of the most important things for me. It was never really _easy _to resist the temptation of blood, contrary to my family's popular belief, but putting names to the faces facilitated life considerably.

The students settled in slowly, the laziness of the end of the week heavy in the room. Some gave me a shy smile, others ignored me as they came in, a couple of girls came and sat in the first row blushing and giggling. The face I was looking for didn't come in until the last possible second. I could sense Jasper's discomfort the minute he stepped in through the door. He would square his shoulders, catch his breath, and not release it until the end of class. The tension around him was tangible enough that besides a poor girl the first day, no one dared sit next to him. (The girl that initially sat next to him, after being coldly rebuffed emotionally for an entire class session, had walked out sniffling and dropped the class.)

Despite the inherent difficulty attending class presented, Jasper had never missed any of my sessions. He was always the last one in and the first one out, but I still appreciated his dedication. Remembering my first hundred years, I knew it couldn't be easy for him.

"Last time we began talking about the basics of genetics, and today I wanted to continue the discussion. We will primarily be studying Mendelian genetics, and the potential applications of Mendel's work in both the near and distant future." I saw Jasper's lips turn up in a minute smile at my mention of the future, and I half expected him to daze off like the rest of the students. I suppose I should have known better.

Instead he kept his focus on me, diligently taking notes despite the fact that he didn't need to. Vampires had astounding memory, as I had quickly learned in the early years; it was highly useful in academic settings. Only the human memories seemed to fade, to some's chagrin and other's relief. I briefly pondered my few lingering human memories, even as I wrapped up the day's lecture a little earlier than usual.

"We'll be moving on to chapter twelve next week, so try to read ahead. Have a good weekend everyone." I had scarcely finished speaking when I saw Jasper give me a fleeting smile and slip out unnoticed. From everyone else I heard a collective sigh of relief as the students started packing up their bags and filtering out. Five minutes seemed like such an eternity to them on Friday afternoons; I couldn't help but smile at their lack of understanding of 'forever.'

Within a few minutes the large lecture hall was empty. I found myself alone as I gathered my few materials and dropped them into my briefcase. In the silence of the room I could hear the faint tapping of wet snowflakes on the side of the building, two professors conversing in the building over, and the nervous steps of a spider in the first row. Taking one last, reluctant breath of the stuffy air in the room I gathered my things and headed outside.

I was one step away from heading home to my family. The last thing on my agenda was my office hours, which by unlucky roll of the dice had landed on Wednesday and Friday afternoons. They were usually empty on Fridays though, except for the occasional overstressed student. The walk to my office was short, and I enjoyed the scenic path consisting of growing snow drifts and bundled up students and colleagues.

I made it to the primary office building without any interruptions, and was soon sitting at my desk, office door open. Since there was no one around I took advantage of the time to quickly breeze through what little work I had. I wanted to spend the weekend with Esme; we were planning on staying out 'hunting' the whole weekend, heading farther north away from any civilization.

My pen was poised over the last homework assignment I was grading when I heard soft steps padding up the hallway. The carpet muffled the sound, but I could tell it was two girls, whose steps were slowing as they neared my door.

"Doctor Cullen?" I heard a single shy voice just around the corner of the door frame, accompanied by two very quickly fluttering hearts. I recognized who they were immediately, both by the voice and by the combined scents of lily, cinnamon, and fresh grass.

I pushed away from my desk, leaning forward so that I could glance around the door. "Yes?" I asked briefly, trying to keep my voice as... unpleasing as possible.

They stepped forward at the sound anyway, and I was sure I heard both of them let out tiny sighs. Their names were Kelly and Kristen, two freshman girls who seemed to have developed a sort of crush on me since the first day. They were in my office more often than all of the other students combined, usually with very easy questions or even none at all. I spent most of the time gently pushing them away, but never had the heart to fully reject them – they were still my students after all.

Kelly, the first one to speak, seemed to have lost her voice, so Kristen spoke up instead. "We had a question about the term paper."

I smiled at the question, and instantly regretted it. Both of their heartbeats sped up, Kelly fidgeting a little. Knowing they would be hurt if I suddenly frowned at both of them, I instead turned to face the papers on my desk. "I will be discussing the paper in depth on Wednesday. I know it seems a little late in the semester, but you will have enough time. If you still have questions, feel free to stop by then."

My answer, as professional as I could muster, did nothing to stop the girls. And despite the fact that I wanted them to leave before the owner of the very softly approaching footsteps arrived, they refused to move. "But I already started and I was wondering if I could make an appointment, so you could re--" Kelly stopped short as Jasper's pale face came to a stop at the door.

I could tell he wasn't breathing again, his eyes flickering to mine before he turned his gaze on the girls. There was nothing overly aggressive about his look, but something he did made them both take a step back. "On second thought, I th-think we'll come back later," Kelly muttered before they both suddenly turned and nearly ran down the hallway.

"Jasper." There wasn't any intention of a reprimand in my voice, but he turned to me with an apologetic look regardless.

In one fluid motion he had closed my office door, taken a seat across from me, and inhaled briefly. "I'm sorry Carlisle, but I need to talk to you."

The gravity of his tone made me sit up and lean forward, speaking in whispers. "What's wrong, did something happen?" I felt guilty the second the words were out of my mouth; I didn't want him to think I was jumping to conclusions.

"No, nothing like that," he answered quickly, a smile flickering across his face as he probably felt my guilt. "But... so close." The last words were at a barely audible volume, as if he didn't even want to say them. He leaned forward so that his elbows rested on his knees, face hidden in his hands.

I waited in silence for him to continue, knowing that he needed no more cue than my anticipation and curiosity. Though for us two it felt like an eternity, within a minute he was speaking very quickly. "As you know, I have Communications after your class. We were listening to speeches, and the first... human to present is training to be a nurse. Alice told me about it this morning, but there was a change in the order, an accident. The needle she was demonstrating... slipped. I barely made it out."

His voice was trembling at the end, and I reached forward to place one hand on his shoulder. "You did well. You are becoming stronger."

He raised his eyes to mine at this, giving me a wry smile and shaking his head. "There was no blood, Carlisle. Only the slightest chance of it, and I still had to leave. I don't think I would have been able to stop myself if the needle had broken skin. Even now, I can only resist the humans' scent in this room because yours is much more potent."

"Don't underestimate yourself. You really are stronger than you think." I paused with my train of thought, watching him carefully. I was able to sense in less than a second that my words were being received by disbelieving ears. I decided to try another tactic. "I'm sorry to say that it will never be completely easy, Jasper. It is the burden we must bear, all of us. But there are little tricks to make it easier. What was her name?"

It seemed like my question caught him off guard. He thought about it briefly before answering. "Reilly. What does that matter?"

And although I wasn't sure if it would work or not, I kept running with the idea. Dropping my hand from his shoulder, I leaned back in my chair, folding my hands on my lap. "I've found that it is much easier to resist when you know their name, and who they are. If you can create a sort of connection, more than prey and predator... well, you might be able to see them as something more. Why don't you tell me a bit more about Reilly?"

I couldn't tell very well whether my advice to Jasper was working or not, but after a few more prompts he started talking. He told me about Reilly, her mannerisms and emotions. How she always carried a repugnant smelling drink with her, and scratched her nose with the tip of her pen. The more he spoke the more animated he seemed to become, until he had lost the desperate aura with which he had come in.

Once he was feeling better the topic shifted, so that for the remained of my office hours we talked about science, philosophy, politics. He was very intelligent, easy to converse with in the confines of my office, and luckily we were never interrupted.

By the time we left Jasper was much calmer, and I would like to think, happier. It was rather contagious. We both left for the parking lot in high spirits, and although Jasper still stiffened when be walked closely by two students, he didn't seem as tense as before. It pleased me. I was happy to help him, my sometimes adopted son, a solid member of the family. I was happy to teach.

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**author's note: You know the drill, right? Reviews make me happy, hehe :)**


	6. Rosalie Marries

**Dedication: This is for lesharostormraven, who requested we see Rose as a (non)blushing bride on one of her wedding days. I honestly was planning on behind kinder to Rosalie... but she was so impossible to write. I mean, very very impossible - the girl would not let me into her head! With that said, I tried my best. Be kind :)**

**P.S. I updated this chapter a few days ago, but since apparently there were some issues with the website, an email alert was never sent out. Terribly sorry I didn't notice that sooner.  
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**Chapter 6: Rosalie Marries**

"Are the flowers ready? They need to be here within the hour or we won't have time to put them all up. What about the cake? …. Yes, I _know_ that but we still need to feed all the humans that were invited…. No, Alice still isn't here. She ran off with Emmett and Jasper somewhere and they still haven't come back."

A few more quick words were exchanged, and then Esme silently hung up the house phone. There was a visible strain in her eyes, but otherwise her face was completely warm. I watched her reflection approach me from behind, staying perfectly still in my place at the vanity. "Just wrapping some things up with Edward. Everything should go as planned... you look lovely, Rosalie."

And despite my current state of anxiety and frustration, I found myself smiling at her words. There was something about Esme that always brought that out in me. I'm not sure if it was her loving nature or something else, but I could never be very upset with her. Especially not today, since she was the only one really humoring me.

Emmett and I were getting married today. Part of it was for human show; to the people of Hat Creek, we had been dating for years and it was about time we settled down. Part of it was for myself; I adored the idea of a large expensive wedding just for me, a chance for everyone to appreciate my beauty… even the thought of it made my smile wider. It was such a perfect chance to show off a little.

Of course, not everyone agreed.

Carlisle and Esme approved the practical aspects of it. They knew we needed to show progression as a family, and that change in family dynamic was necessary to the humans. Alice and Jasper went along with it merely for the sake of doing so, I think. Edward was the opposite – he took every opportunity to inform me that what I wanted was foolish and impractical, but I didn't care too much about _that_ opinion either. Emmett just shrugged it off and went along… he was easy enough to convince, at least for me.

"I'm going to finish getting your things ready for when you leave tonight." Esme's voice was a soft whisper, and she briefly lingered a hand on my shoulder before gliding out of the room. I caught a glimpse in the mirror of delicately arranged brown curls and a navy blue dress, but that was just about all I got before catching a glimpse of my own reflection.

_Beautiful._

My golden locks were straight for this wedding, but soft and volumized in a way that had taken me three hours to complete. They framed my face, a perfect touch to my modest blush and coral lipstick. I refused to let my pale skin be touched by anything other than that – I was going for pristine. My elegant neck and shoulders were exposed by my strapless dress, a flowing wonder of silk and lace. The bust had an intricate floral design created with miniature sparkling beads, Alice's side project for the past week. Though it was obviously too fashion forward for our location, it accentuated my lovely face flawlessly. Everything did.

My musing was interrupted by a bitingly sarcastic voice downstairs. "Invite the humans, she says." The front door slammed shut, and two doors down the hallway I heard a motherly sigh. "Celebrate at the house, she says." I caught the distinct scent of roses filling the first floor and drifting up the staircase. They really did smell lovely, and were so well suited to my name. "I'm done here."

Edward's final proclamation was answered by an acute silence; Esme and Carlisle had given up on him, I was trying very hard not to care. I heard the front door slam again, knowing my darling brother was doing it just for show – he could have easily been in and out without making a sound. Honestly, he was so dramatic sometimes.

"I need your help setting up, Edward." Esme's voice, gentle but a small undercurrent of authority, carried easily downstairs and outside. I couldn't help but snicker, then laugh quietly. I knew there was no chance he would deny our motherly figure. My thoughts were confirmed when I heard a sharply exhaled breath about a dozen meters from the house, and then furious steps back in. I heard Esme walking downstairs, and when the door didn't slam shut I knew her ever-present authority was working its magic.

The rest of their conversation must have happened silently, because I didn't hear any more words. The renewed silence in the household allowed me to return to my musing in the mirror. My image was complete; I couldn't think of a single thing to more compliment my beauty. I also didn't want to move, however. There was nothing like the hustle and bustle of decorations to ruin a perfect appearance.

So I stilled, my mind wandering idly to the vacation plans for later. It was so easy to lose track of time as I looked forward to the honeymoon my surrogate mother and sister had planned. Emmett and I were going to spend a few months in a luxurious cabin up in the Sierra Nevadas, away from any human contact. Distance wise it was close to the family, but the unspoken agreement with everyone was that we were to be completely undisturbed.

We were marrying inside the house a little later – Alice correctly predicted sunshine today – and then having a large dinner in the spacious meadow behind the house after some large clouds rolled in. There were dozens of humans invited; Carlisle's work friends, Emmett and mine's distant acquaintances, random people from school that I knew were morbidly curious to see the inside of the Cullen home. No one really noteworthy, but it wasn't very important. All that mattered was that they come to appreciate the wedding.

I heard Edward snort from downstairs, almost envisioning the disdain on his face. It was then that I decided to get up, primarily since the service was scheduled to start soon, and I was starting to worry about a few things.

"They still aren't back?" I asked Esme, referring to Alice, Jasper, and more importantly, my husband-to-be-again. My eyes flickered to the elaborate decorations as I spoke, taking in the myriad of roses, different colors and varieties, scattered throughout the room.

Esme frowned slightly, still for a moment as she listened intently for any sounds of their approach. A second later she relaxed, and gave me her signature warm smile. "No signs of them yet, but Alice promised to have everyone back in time, and I think we should trust her."

"Maybe Emmett decided he was insane to go through with this a third time and decided to fly to Vegas for the night," Edward added in his low, sarcastic voice, his hands quickly arranging the last floral arrangement by the door.

My first reaction, the one that I barely stifled, was to bare my teeth at him and snarl – he really was starting to get on my last nerves. But I dominated that instinct, opting instead on giving him a dramatic eye roll and ignoring his presence completely. It was usually easier that way, at least for me. A few seconds passed in silence before it was broken by a chiming soprano voice from outside.

"Hide Rosalie please, we're back and all set to go."

"Alice, you do realize we're already married, right?" I asked, keeping the annoyance in my voice to a minimum.

"Just do it." There was a strong trace of authority in the voice, which was now closer to the door. I frowned and let out a sharp sigh, but after pausing a moment started to huff my way back up the stairs. While I didn't believe in the whole bad luck thing in the least bit, it was useless to fight it – I knew Alice would get her way eventually.

I eventually found my way back to my vanity, standing in front of it now so as to not wrinkle my dress. I could hear movement downstairs as Alice, Jasper, and Emmett came in, accompanied by whispers so low even I couldn't make them out. Within fifteen minutes I could hear the much heavier, awkward shuffling of human feet, the front door opening and closing, allowing in a myriad of human scents to mingle with the roses.

There were small gasps here and there as the humans took in their first glance of our home and family, all done up and pretty. _And they haven't even seen _me_ yet, _I couldn't help but think, tilting my head slightly to get a better view of my reflection.

Another fifteen minutes of seating arrangements and loud human chatter passed, and I found myself moving a little anxiously towards the door. At the exact strike of six, the piano downstairs began weaving together the perfect wedding march – the same one Edward had composed twenty years ago for the first. It intermingled the traditional melody with different underlying chords that changed slightly every time. It was my cue to go.

I took a deep breath – not for preparation, but so I wouldn't have to inhale so much the scent of blood – and then stepped quickly to the top of the stairs, slowing only as I started going down, into the view of the guests.

No matter how many times we did this, there was still a certain feel of excitement, and anticipation. It was there in the swell of the music, the shuffling of feet as everyone stood to watch, the first moment when I met Emmett's eyes. It was even there in the few astonished gasps in the crowd as they first beheld my beauty, adorned and embellished to perfection.

At least, that's what I had thought.

Because when I first came into view, I was pretty sure I heard a ghostly chuckle, and a few human snickers. And the shuffling of feet were distinctly angled forward, and not only at me. Everything felt off, but I didn't realize what until I looked up to the end of the aisle.

There was Carlisle, impeccable as always, and ready to perform the service. Jasper was nearby as well, serving as best man and clearly uncomfortable. There was my surrogate sister and mother, one amused and one horrified.

There was Emmett, in a powder blue suit that was two sizes too small.

My eyes widened in horror as I did a double take on that last sight, nearly stopping my walk halfway down the aisle. I was halfway between choking, swearing profusely at him, and just up and walking away. But I wasn't stopping now. I braced myself and marched on, my bouquet nearly falling apart in my hands. In a quiet hum, too fast and too soft for anything other than vampire ears, I directed my furious words at Emmett.

_"What the hell Emmett!?"_

His eyes flickered to Alice for the briefest of moments before coming back to me, giving me his widest grin. Seconds passed as I took the final steps to reach him, my face a carefully composed mask even as I desperately tried to at least injure him with my eyes.

Emmett extended his hand to mine as I neared him, and despite myself, I couldn't refuse the invitation. I grabbed onto his hand, squeezing it as much as I could to release some of my anger. When this didn't phase him I tried to squeeze harder, my knuckles turning even paler with the effort. As much as I loved the stupid vampire, I wanted nothing more than to hurt him, but I was failing miserably.

It was in the middle of this that Carlisle cleared his throat, gave me an apologetic smile, and launched into the planned ceremony. I didn't hear a word of what he said, still seething. I didn't get it. I just didn't get it. I had worked so hard to make _everything_ perfect – decorations, food, ceremony, us. I eventually gave up trying to pop Emmett's hand off, but not trying to understand why he would ruin this. My furious thoughts were only interrupted by his voice besides me.

"I do." Simple. We had kept the vows very simple this time. I suddenly heard Carlisle's voice directed at me, apparently asking me to confirm what my soon-to-be husband had already said.

For the benefit of those there, I gave a very clear "I do." For Emmett and the rest of the family, I added in a muted growl, _"I guess."_

There were a few quiet laughs as Carlisle said the closing words, terminating in something about a kiss – I was really still too mad to listen. _"Don't you d—"_

My words were cut off as Emmett wrapped his arms firmly around my waist and lifted me up almost too easily. The last things I saw were his twinkling, amused eyes. And then he was kissing me soundly, completely drowning out any possible protest. I almost wanted to push him away – almost. But, since I didn't want to… further sour the ceremony, I went along with it.

There were a few chuckles in the crowd, and as we went past the minute mark a whistled catcall from Alice. Emmett didn't put me down until we were nearly past the point of looking suspicious, grinning from ear to ear as he kept his arm around my waist. I didn't have a chance to wiggle away, because at that moment the family enveloped us.

Esme gave me the first tight hug, followed by Carlisle – both quietly asking that I let this go. Alice was next, completely shameless as she threw her arms around my waist and kissed my cheek. Her husband followed, giving me a light one-armed hug and feelings of contentment. Eventually Edward made his way over, amusement written all over his face as he approached Emmett and I. He gave Emmett a very brotherly hug, then turned to me, still grinning.

I instinctively took a half step back, not quite forgiving him from earlier, but before I could get any further he was hugging me too. "Ugh, let me go, you're messing up my hair."

"No I'm not, it's already too far gone anyway." His wide smile changed to a smirk as he stepped away from us, moving to safety besides Esme.

The quiet snarl wasn't half out of my throat when Emmett leaned in to kiss the top of my head. I elbowed him as best I could, which admittedly, wasn't much. "Oh stop it, you aren't out of the woods yet. I can't _believe_ you would run this for me." I couldn't stop the pout that formed on my lips, eyes looking anyplace but my husband.

He leaned in close, whispering in my ear. "The ceremony went fine, we're all good and married again… come on Rose, let me have me a little fun every decade or so. I thought you were marrying me and not the suit anyway." He punctuated the sentence with a cheeky wink.

"Which, by the way, looks horrible," I added on to the end of his sentence, my anger slipping away with his words. "You should have least tried to match me, hmph."

Emmett looked thoughtful for a few seconds, and then nodded quite seriously. "I'll really try to next time."

"Oh no you won't." Even the thought of a next time was enough to start building up my temper again – though this time it was pushed down by an odd wave of calm.

"What, you don't plan on marrying me again?"

"No."

This too, Emmett thought over. Eventually he started stepping forward through the crowd of people, and towards the back door that lead out to the reception area. It was only once we were somewhat alone that he finally responded. "Well, I guess I can live with that… as long as I still get to do this."

With that he kissed me again, a little rougher and with more force. I fought him for about a tenth of a second before sighing and giving in, forgiving him… at least for now.


	7. Edward Parries

**Dedication: To every reader that is still following this story despite the fact that my schedule does not allow me to update as often as I could like. Terrible, I know. But I hope Edward makes up for it a little bit. He is by far my favorite to write, and I oddly enjoyed this chapter - I hope you do too. (In my little mental timeline of these chapters, this is their last stay in Alaska before moving to Forks). Don't forget to show some reviewing love ;)**

**P.S. A reviewer has informed me that in an interview, Meyer has specifically said the following... erm, never happened. Since I'm not able to reply to unsigned reviews, I figured I'd address that here, and set a sort of 'standard' for the rest of my story. These chapters are, of course, not precise canon. I don't know if Alice would have nearly exposed the Cullens, or if Emmett ever ruined his own wedding. Ultimately, this is just me sitting down and having some fun with the Cullens before they came to Forks - I try my best to stay true to their _personalities_, but can't promise anything about their actions. After all, it is fan _fiction_ :)  
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**And now that I'm done rambling - onwards to the chapter!  
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**Chapter 7: Edward Parries**

It was a late February night, pitch black and freezing cold - not that it mattered much to a vampire. I was only vaguely aware of the temperature because it felt slightly cooler than my skin, and because every human within a mile radius could not stop thinking about it.

_I wonder if the heater will be able to keep up…._

_Emily's going to need another blanket…_

_The weatherman didn't say it was going to be _this_ cold…._

At those last thoughts I couldn't help but smirk. The local weatherman had indeed forecasted warmer temperatures (though 'warm' was relative in Alaska) for the next few weeks. We had all known he was wrong though. Alice had foreseen the unpredictable cold front that would sweep over the town a month ago. It would bring with it a new wave of blizzards in the upcoming weeks, but for now it was only a deep, penetrating cold that dominated the thoughts of every living body nearby.

For the Cullen family – and our Denali friends, who also did not count themselves among the living – this harsh cold merely meant a chance for more outings. No human was outside in weather like this, and it gave us vampires perfect opportunities to travel out into the snowy plains nearby and have some fun. The cold meant large snowball fights, races up the nearest mountains, and other children's games in general. We could be loud because the dead chill did not carry sound, and we could be reckless because the snow mitigated any damage.

All in all it made for enjoyable nights – for the most part.

My family had been getting ready in various parts of the house tonight, changing into durable clothing and gathering whatever belongings they were taking for the long weekend. It was normal, like every other time before, except for one notable exception. My sisters tried to avoid thinking about it, my brothers went out of their way to stay out of mine, and Esme in particular was fretting and worrying like only a mother could. No one voiced what everyone was thinking, which I found absolutely ridiculous considering my rather obvious ability.

The fact that no one muttered the words _Valentine's Day_ was, in fact, starting to really annoy me. This wasn't the first year I had passed it alone, and it most certainly wouldn't be the last. I had never desired another's company on the day the silly humans chose to celebrate their so-called love. I was complete in myself. I didn't feel the need to have another to validate my own existence. My siblings had often tried to explain that it was so much more than that, but they could never fully understand me, or maybe never tried. It was because of all of this, and more, that February fourteenth was meaningless to me. Just another day. But my mother refused to accept my straightforward explanation.

"Come with us Edward. I'm sure Tanya and her sisters will be coming out." Esme was standing across from me, on the opposite end of the piano. She was dressed and ready to leave, the first of the family. The last five minutes had been spent trying to convince me to accompany them, which is why I suspected everyone else was delaying coming down.

"I'd much rather stay home," I repeated for what felt like the hundredth time this evening. There was silence as my surrogate mother mulled over my dark eyes, tense shoulders, and apparently miserable face. She kept her thoughts focused on my physical appearance, but she couldn't quite hide the worry hidden underneath. A part of her was concerned about me, primarily about me being alone so often.

I knew no other way to reassure her, other than to say I really didn't mind. In other words, what I had been repeating all evening. I might have mentioned other false reasons – like the fact that I didn't feel like tagging along with my paired off family for two days and nights this time around. She didn't seem to realize this would only serve as a reminder of what she perceived was a real problem. For the briefest moment in time I wished I was human, so that I could feign illness, but that wouldn't work in my case. So I simply forced my expression to be nonchalant, my posture casual. The shoulders that were tense in annoyance relaxed, and when I looked at Esme again I registered her mental surprise at my sudden transformation.

Keeping my voice light, I repeated. "I really am alright, Esme. But I would rather stay in tonight. That's all." Without giving her much of a chance to reply I stood from the piano, giving her a half smile before heading out of the room. I heard my mother sigh mentally as I ghosted up the stairs, passing by my siblings coming down without sparing them a glance.

_I wish you would come Edward. But since I _know_ nothing is going to convince you, try not to have too much fun without us._

Alice's thoughts, directed solely at me and drowning out the other's quieter reflections, made me almost pause. There was a secretive amused undertone to them, and I'm sure I would have gotten a sly wink had I been looking at her.

_Maybe_.

This time I couldn't help but chuckle, low and quiet so that when my family heard it they would assume it was some private joke, as usual. No one registered anything other than mild interest, which quickly faded with their last preparations. I returned to Alice's thoughts for a second, but she was already going through a precise and painfully detailed checklist of what she would be doing with Jasper later, and I quickly tuned her out. There were some things I didn't need to know.

Within a few minutes, the house was empty, and thoroughly quiet. I loved it.

I had reached the comfortable confines of my room by this time, stretching out on my couch. Tonight I decided to dedicate to blocking out all noises – literal, mental, personal. I lay flat on my back, draping my arm over my face to cover my eyes. Closing them, in perfect darkness, I focused on drowning out all of the sounds.

This was near impossible as a vampire. I still heard the quiet scraping of insects underneath the house, the brush of the curtains as the wind moved them half of a degree, my own steady breathing. This is what I stopped first. It felt mildly uncomfortable to stop the intake of air, to be unable to taste the winter environment around me, but the easiest thing to silence was myself.

With my breaths no longer making their loud rushing noise, and the ability to smell any nearby scents gone, I focused on the voices. Most people assumed that being able to read thoughts was a powerful gift, and an easy one. But most people didn't know what it was like to live with constant noise. To be unable to easily withdraw into your own mind and stay there, uninterrupted. With my family nearby, it was much harder. But tonight, alone, I numbed my mind to the noise. I let voice by voice drown out until they were only a quiet hum, no words distinguishable among the rest. Even the hum lost volume as the night wore on, humans taking to sleep and more incoherent dreams.

When this was all nearly gone, I let out a mental sigh of relief. The voices were gone. The endless barrage of detail in the environment, both seen and smelled, were gone. I was left with the quiet sighs and rustles of the house, the occasional creak of a floorboard.

I was alone, vulnerable, and perfectly at peace.

Time passed silently when I retreated like this. It didn't matter to me. Often I didn't snap out of my sleeplike states until the family came crashing into the house again, breaking the near perfect silence with their chatter. But until then I enjoyed the quiet, the private moments with only myself as company. Eyes still closed and breath still held, I waited, alone.

Or so I thought.

One moment I was alone, resting peacefully in the silence, and then the next there was a single voice penetrating clearly into my mind because it was so familiar. _Don't be startled, Edward_. Within the next hundredth of a second there was abruptly a body next to me, squeezing me into the back of the couch and utterly invading my previously personal space.

Despite the warning it took every ounce of self-control to not automatically fight the intruder, throw them against the back wall of the house and race snarling to confront them. It was the survival instinct I was fighting, that told me to kill anything that threatened me, especially when I allowed myself to be so vulnerable. But I restrained myself – barely. With a groan I opened my eyes, took in a long breath, turned my head to face the slightly colder body next to me.

Strawberry blond curls, dull golden eyes, and a sly smile that told she had completely misinterpreted my groan. She was lying on her side, our bodies lining up unevenly due to the height difference. Not that she cared. She still somehow managed to curl herself so that she was pressed against me in the closest way, her face less than half a foot from mine. _Hello_, she offered as greeting, her voice warm and inviting and seductive all at once.

"Tanya." I said her name in a tired sigh, hating how my voice broke through the crystal clear silence I had been enjoying moments ago. "You're lucky I didn't try and kill you."

I made no pretense of denying that fact, because I knew she was aware of it already. My voice was notably softer though, if only because I knew I would regret ever hurting her. _I know. But you have superb self-control_. She voiced this thought with certain smugness, but also as a quiet lament. Like it was something she couldn't quite understand.

"What are you doing here?" My voice was down to whispers, both to attempt to return the silence, and to prevent any hostility from seeping into my tone. I was a little resentful of Tanya at the moment, for interrupting me, but I didn't want her to see this. Regardless, she was a close family friend, and it did me no good to be anything less than kind to her. "I thought you and your sisters were heading out tonight with the others."

_Well, we were, but when Esme said that you hadn't wanted to join us… I thought I'd come and keep you company_. Her face drifted a little closer to mine with her last words, and I abruptly saw what her mind perceived as 'company.' For a moment I was stunned. The comprehensive part of my mind instantly wrapped around the idea, understood it – wanted it? – but some other part of me didn't. Tanya had made advances before, but not quite like this, and so I wasn't sure what to make of it. Even now she was pressing closer to me, effectively snuggling and pushing me even farther back into the couch. I could read the clear determination, and desire, in her mind, and for a moment I wasn't sure how to react.

She interpreted my silence as acceptance. Her smile turned sultry and then she was leaning in, too close, impossibly close.

My eyes closed of their own accord as her lips pressed lightly to mine, cooler by a few tenths of a degree and surprisingly silky smooth. I couldn't force myself to do anything. A small, physical part of me thought that this was perfectly okay. I didn't return her kiss, but I didn't push her away either. My suddenly inexperienced brain was trying to come up with the appropriate middle-ground reaction even as it scrambled to process the peculiar sensation of her hand trailing down my chest.

But then I remembered I wasn't exactly flying blind. The analytical part of my mind fired up and I decided to call upon personal _observations_ instead of experience. These were the same feelings I read in other people's minds on a nearly daily basis. The tingling sensation of her lips on mine, the uncanny desire of my body to press forward. But something was off.

Tanya's kiss was off in the magnitude of the feelings it evoked in me, and how I always supposed this… sort of thing was supposed to be. Put briefly, nothing she was doing induced anything other than a physiological response. Analyzing the moment, the entire five eighths of a second, I realized that while my traitorous body was willing to comply, I felt nothing but mild disinterest in Tanya. It was why I was able to remain unresponsive, gentlemanly enough to not outright reject her. She had no emotional hold over me. The kiss, in reality, meant nothing.

Luckily for me, it was right about the time of this realization that she noticed my stillness. _Edward_. Her thoughts were a childlike plea, almost comical in its feigned innocence. _Kiss me_. The free hand that had been snaking down my chest trailed back up, curling around at my neck. I felt her fingers intertwine in my hair, trying to hold me to her, force me to respond. I lifted my own free hand from where it had been awkwardly resting at my side. It ghosted up Tanya's arm, shoulder, just barely touching her, until I was cupping her face.

For the briefest of moments I heard her thoughts soar unbidden into a very physical future. The excitement lasted only for that moment. I applied just enough force to push her back from me, and in the same instant had swung us both so that we were sitting side by side. I held on to her face for a second longer before dropping away my hand and putting distance between us.

A rush of rejection flowed from Tanya, and evoked a flood of guilt in me. But it was temporary. I knew she would get over this soon.

_Why not?_ was all I heard, since I refused to look at her directly.

"It's not what you really want, Tanya." I had been able to see that. Beneath the desire, there was a hidden wish – to be loved, cared for, protected. "I can't offer you any of the things you _need_."

She was silent for a moment, her thoughts a whirl of confusion. I heard a quiet sigh coming from her, rejection ebbing away as she wondered how I could possibly be so considerate. _Just one night. One night with me can't really be that bad_. A quiet pleading in her voice. To be honest, I couldn't tell if she was being sincere or not.

"And then what? Pretend nothing happened? Hover awkwardly around each other when our families gather?" I spoke softly, this time glancing over at her. Her blond hair nearly shone in the darkness, her lips were turned down in a pout, her eyes focused on the floor at our feet.

_I don't care. We can pretend. Just… let go tonight, and then pretend it never happened._ She eased towards me as she thought this, until she her legs were touching mine again. I felt her hand reach out to take mine, and I let her. At this point, I didn't want to reject her any more than I absolutely had to.

"It won't work that way. You know that."

_But aren't you at least a little drawn to me?_

She danced around the word attracted, seeming to forget I could just as easily pick it out of her thoughts. "You're very attractive, Tanya. You know that. But this isn't… meant to be." Deep down, I knew that much was true. And I think in some unconscious part of her mind, Tanya knew it too.

_You're too good, Edward._

"I believe the words you were looking for are stubborn and idiotic." We both chuckled humorlessly. A few moments passed in silence, and then I turned to her. Giving her a half crooked smile, I slipped my hand out of hers and placed it on her lap. "Why don't you go join your sisters, I'm sure they're missing you."

She glanced down at her now lonely hand in silence for a moment, and then turned her resigned gaze to me. "But what if you change your mind?" The corner of her lips tugged up in a smile as she said this, her first spoken words of the night.

"I'll be sure to let you know."

This time she laughed out loud, a sound too loud for the quiet room. She stood and moved to my open window in one fluid motion, her hand resting on the sill for the last moment. _Can we… still pretend this never happened? Though nothing did, I mean –_

I could sense the slight discomfort in her voice, and so I nodded before she could even finish her though. She gave me a warm smile, then without saying anything else, jumped straight out of the window onto the snow below. I heard the quietest of thuds as she landed, and within the next second her quick footsteps were gone.

Alone, I rested my head back against the couch, closing my eyes and letting my whole body relax for the first time since Tanya had come in. I couldn't help but think of what I had passed up. And at the same time, I wondered at how strange the whole thing had felt, in retrospect. Odd, out of place, like nothing had fitted the way it should have.

As I drifted off again to my quiet place, focusing out all coherent sounds, I allowed myself one last thought. _I wonder if something like that will ever feel right. Meant to be. Or am I supposed to spend eternity alone?_


End file.
